In new places or situations, I tend to take the role of quiet observer before figuring out how I can fit into the already existing place. And when this happens, it usually takes people by surprise when I finally decide to grace them with the me that I tend to hide at first. So imagine my own surprise that I don’t feel like I have to do that here, that I don’t want to, and that I have no plans to. I told one of my coworkers last week or the week before (my life is such a blur at the moment, I honestly don’t know when this happened), that I’m usually quiet at first when in new situations. He looks at me with a face that suggests I’m full of shit, to which I responded, “Yeah, I know. I can’t shut up here, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

But that’s just it. Nothing is wrong with me. It’s literally blowing my mind how, for the first time in my entire life I feel like I can 100% be the person that I am without censoring myself or worrying about other people accepting me. It’s weird and SO incredibly empowering to suddenly realize that you have the mindset of “I’m going to be me, and if you don’t like it, fuck off.” Because in my 24 years of existence, this is something so completely new and… revolutionary, that it’s hard to wrap my head around it.

It also baffles me that I seemingly had to uproot myself 1800 miles from home in order to find myself. But honestly, this is the me that was always here… I think it just took 1800 miles and a completely new atmosphere for me to realize that I have nothing to hide behind. Which is such a good thing.